Sunday, April 12, 2015

Wow. I can’t believe so much time has passed since my “break from blogging” post. I think I originally planned it to be a short one, just enough to give myself sometime to pause and reflect. But I think sometime, somewhere the pausing and reflecting stopped, together with my blogging spirit. Well if you had questions to me, I had a lot too. And in this post I’m hoping to answer you, and myself included. 

Why did you need to go?
Although I kept a lot of details about whatever was going on with my life, I’m pretty sure I had made my feelings clear: I was unhappy. And emotionally, I was a wreck. I gave a sort of sneak peak of this back then, and I bet everyone who read understood completely. I didn’t know what to do next, and I didn’t know how to do what. I became a victim of a plague that disables me to do something, anything, after losing something I thought was permanent, something I thought would always be with me. And so I decided I needed a break. I couldn’t do the faking thing, blogging about smiles and hearts when in fact I was crushed. I had to focus on me and myself alone, without a person to think of, or a group of silent people sending me virtual hugs.

Where did you go?
My, my, it will take months to tell the story, because it has already been a year since all those knots got tangled in my life. I did as planned. I went out there more, engaged myself in various activities in nearly all aspects. I focused on bettering myself instead of bittering. And I was doing well. But I’m not a child anymore, and my wounds needed much more than first aid kits and lollipops. I had to fall back down in the pits too, countless of times that the process seemed endless. Some days I felt so much better I felt like I could forget everything the next minute. But some days I felt so tired and consumed I spent nothing more than quiet tears even though chaos coursed through every bit of my being.

I haven’t smoothed out every wrinkle, a few still remains. But I can assure you, I am so much better now. I have my place in the driver’s seat.

Why can’t you come back?
I tried. I did. So many times I stare at my ceiling, debating whether or not it was time to spill the beans and unload some of my burdens. So many times I grasped a pen, eager to write anything just to lessen the words loading my head. So many times stared at my empty screen, itching to share but finding nothing worth sharing. So many times I tried to come back and be me again, but each and every time I failed.

And so I think I cannot come back – not to those days, and that blog space altogether. There are so much memories in there I don’t think I can mix with my present setting. I mean to preserve it, to leave it as it were and keep it safely tucked somewhere in my heart.

How are you?
Well I am very happy to report that I am in a much better condition, far from the dark days of my life. Like I said, I have my place in the driver’s seat now, and while I’m not entirely sure where the road leads, at least I have the lights on and I can see clearly. I have grown, I have improved. And that experience taught me so much lessons I bet expensive universities cannot offer.

ANYWAY, ON A LIGHTER MOOD THOUGH, I am very pleased to finally have my very own domain name! Haha. I mean wow, I have long waited for this moment and now it’s here! Research and patience pays! Also, hey guys I’m on a new platform! :) I had used this before but never really explored, so just imagine my joy when I was able to tweak my template’s codes into something I wanted! YAYY!

Wow I felt as if this has been a heavy post, but now that I’ve put my heart out, it feels even better. I knew it, blogging is my therapy. :)

PS: To anyone who is going through whatever and is losing hope, HANG IN THERE! Things will get better. Maybe not now or later, but definitely on the right time.

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  1. Glad to know you're better now! Keep it up :)

    Aneth // anethfradez.com

    1. Thanks Aneth! Feels great to be back! :)

  2. I'm happy that you're finally back and happy! Everybody has been through darker days and this one just proves that trials just come to an end eventually. :)

    Mimi Gonzales | The Foxy Heroine

  3. Happy you're finding yourself back on track, Tin. I see how you warmly expressed your feelings through your words, and just to say the first few paragraphs did not sound so weakening at all. I always enjoy reading posts with flowery words and powerful thoughts. You're good to go, Tin. And by the way, congrats on the new domain name and new platform yay. I love your blog, it's so clean and pleasing. Cheers to a happy blogging <3

    Lou | wander-soul.net