WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Wow. I can’t believe
so much time has passed since my “break from blogging” post. I think I
originally planned it to be a short one, just enough to give myself sometime to
pause and reflect. But I think sometime, somewhere the pausing and reflecting
stopped, together with my blogging spirit. Well if you had questions to me, I
had a lot too. And in this post I’m hoping to answer you, and myself
included.
Why did you need to
go?
Although I kept a lot
of details about whatever was going on with my life, I’m pretty sure I had made
my feelings clear: I was unhappy. And emotionally, I was a wreck. I
gave a sort of sneak peak of this back then, and I bet everyone who read
understood completely. I didn’t know what to do next, and I didn’t know how to
do what. I became a victim of a plague that disables me to do something, anything, after
losing something I thought was permanent, something I thought would always be
with me. And so I decided I needed a break. I couldn’t do the faking thing,
blogging about smiles and hearts when in fact I was crushed. I had to focus on
me and myself alone, without a person to think of, or a group of silent people
sending me virtual hugs.
Where did you go?
My, my, it will take
months to tell the story, because it has already been a year since all those
knots got tangled in my life. I did as planned. I went out there more, engaged
myself in various activities in nearly all aspects. I focused on bettering
myself instead of bittering. And I was doing well. But I’m not a child anymore,
and my wounds needed much more than first aid kits and lollipops. I had to fall
back down in the pits too, countless of times that the process seemed endless.
Some days I felt so much better I felt like I could forget everything the next
minute. But some days I felt so tired and consumed I spent nothing more than
quiet tears even though chaos coursed through every bit of my being.
I
haven’t smoothed out every wrinkle, a few still remains. But I can
assure you, I am so much better now. I have my place in the driver’s seat.
Why can’t you come
back?
I tried. I did. So
many times I stare at my ceiling, debating whether or not it was time to spill
the beans and unload some of my burdens. So many times I grasped a pen, eager
to write anything just to lessen the words loading my head. So many times
stared at my empty screen, itching to share but finding nothing worth sharing.
So many times I tried to come back and be me again, but each and every time I
failed.
And so I think I
cannot come back – not to those days, and that blog space altogether. There are
so much memories in there I don’t think I can mix with my present setting. I
mean to preserve it, to leave it as it were and keep it safely tucked somewhere
in my heart.
How are you?
Well I am very happy
to report that I am in a much better condition, far from the dark
days of my life. Like I said, I have my place in the driver’s seat
now, and while I’m not entirely sure where the road leads, at least I have the
lights on and I can see clearly. I have grown, I have improved. And that
experience taught me so much lessons I bet expensive universities cannot offer.
ANYWAY, ON A LIGHTER
MOOD THOUGH, I am very pleased to finally have my very own domain name! Haha. I
mean wow, I have long waited for this moment and now it’s here! Research and
patience pays! Also, hey guys I’m on a new platform! :) I had used
this before but never really explored, so just imagine my joy when I was able
to tweak my template’s codes into something I wanted! YAYY!
Wow I felt as if this
has been a heavy post, but now that I’ve put my heart out, it feels even
better. I knew it, blogging is my therapy. :)
PS: To anyone who is
going through whatever and is losing hope, HANG IN THERE! Things will get
better. Maybe not now or later, but definitely on the right time.
4 comments
Glad to know you're better now! Keep it up :)
ReplyDeleteAneth // anethfradez.com
Thanks Aneth! Feels great to be back! :)
DeleteI'm happy that you're finally back and happy! Everybody has been through darker days and this one just proves that trials just come to an end eventually. :)
ReplyDeleteMimi Gonzales | The Foxy Heroine
Happy you're finding yourself back on track, Tin. I see how you warmly expressed your feelings through your words, and just to say the first few paragraphs did not sound so weakening at all. I always enjoy reading posts with flowery words and powerful thoughts. You're good to go, Tin. And by the way, congrats on the new domain name and new platform yay. I love your blog, it's so clean and pleasing. Cheers to a happy blogging <3
ReplyDeleteLou | wander-soul.net